Get the Best Results at the Hair Salon

Your hair is the accessory you never take off. Over 17 years working behind the chair I have compiled the biggest things that I believe make for a successful hair appointment. Some of these may not be super obvious to someone going into a hair appointment. Others may seem obvious but not always executed correctly.

Be prepared

This may seem like a no brainer but so many clients come in with no idea what they want. We as hair stylist book a certain amount of time for your service and your consultation is part of that time. When you go into the salon and need to look at every hair book, scroll through Pinterest, and talk about every style you have had in the past you are sabotaging your appointment.

My best advice it to have pictures ready. Know what you like and what you definitely don’t like. I’m not saying you can’t have more then one idea to present. I’m just saying have an idea. We are not mind readers. We can tell you what style we would like on you but that doesn’t mean that style is for you. You have to live with it not us.

Be attached to nothing and open to anything

So I know this sound totally opposite of what I just explained but it’s important. We have been trained to not only do hair but to read people. We can tell when you come in with long blonde hair and have it in a bun everyday and say “I’m so sick of this I want a mahogany red bob with a full bang.” Except 9 times out of 10 you are going to be cursing us out at home 3 days later.

Consultations are super important. You may feel like your stylist is asking you a lot of questions and repeating herself but that is to make sure you guys are on the same page. If you never blow dry or style your hair and bring in a picture with a full bang and perfect beach waves your stylist will talk to you about the work and commitment it will take to sustain a style like that.

When I say be open to anything and attached to nothing I mean listen to what the professional is telling you. Give it serious consideration and if you still insist on the red bob then we will do it. But your not allowed to be mad 3 days later.

Honesty is the best policy

During your consultation your stylist is going to ask you some questions. What is your usual hair routine? Do you blow dry, iron or do you wash and wear? What kind of color history do you have going on? Have you had your hair lightened? Have you done your own hair out of a box at home? When’s the last time you had your hair done?

These questions are not to try to embarrass or shame you. We literally need to know in order to give you the best result. Especially when it comes to color you really need to tell the truth. These are serious chemicals we are working with and they can have less then stellar outcomes if we don’t know the canvas we are starting with. If you want your hair to be perfect you have to be honest.

Styling at home

Does this sound familiar? You leave the salon feeling great, looking great. You love your new style and are getting hundreds of compliments on it. You wash it the next day and go to style it and it looks nothing like when your stylist did it. What the hell?

Well remember when you were sitting in the chair and your stylist was telling you what she was using on you for product and why? Did you watch the way she blew out your look? Did you ask questions about her technique?

I’m going to let you in on a little secret. We as stylist don’t try to push product on you just to make money. We want you to be able to recreate your look at home. You are a walking advertisement for us so we want you to be pleased. Not just when you leave but between visits too. If you aren’t using what your stylist is using or something equivalent, it is going to be really difficult to recreate the same results.

Over the counter will never measure up

If I had a dollar for every time a client asked me what they should buy at the drugstore for hair product I would be a very wealthy woman. My answer is always the same. “Nothing!”

Picture your drugstore aisles with the hundreds of shampoos, conditioners, and styling aids. Now think of the bottles they are in, the magazine ads and the television commercials. Pretty fancy right? Now think of the product shelf at your local salon. Basic bottles with not many frills, never a television ad and rarely ever seen in magazines. The big difference is the money is going toward the content inside the bottle not the advertisements and packaging. Over the counter products have nowhere near the vitamins, minerals and proteins that a professional product has. If an over the counter drugstore product is making your hair feel good, it’s because it is coating it with waxes and silicones not nourishing it with the good stuff.

This also goes for when you see a professional product on a drugstore shelf. These product are not guaranteed unless sold in a reputable salon. They could be counterfeit, expired, tampered with or stolen and resold. I have looked into a lot of the product on these shelf’s and have been dumbfounded. A lot of the time they are actually selling it for more money then salons. Instead of supporting this please just buy from your local salon and support your stylist.

Don’t get a style to please someone else

“I would love to cut my hair but my husband/boyfriend would kill me!” This has probably become my biggest pet peeve over the years. Who’s hair is it again? Who has to take care of it? Who has to walk around with it ever day?

Please, please, please stop keeping a style you hate for someone else. This is a big reason I think you see woman chop their hair off after a break up. If the man your with really loves you he will love you with any hairstyle. Make yourself happy first.

Trust

We know trusting can be difficult when your going to someone new for the first time or considering a major change. We can feel your nervous energy. Even the most confident well trained stylist in the world can get rocked by a “Nervous Nelly” in their chair.

Just try to breath. Go in confident and trust that your stylist has got you. Odds are you have done some research, asked around to your friend or someone with good hair on the street who they go to. Trust the recommendations. Yes I have heard all about your bad experience with the last place you went and I’m sorry that happened to you. I’m not her, so give me some credit and let me prove it to you without the negative nervous vibe. It will make your outcome so much better.

It really is just hair, not world peace. Nobody is dying. Although we sometimes are sad to lose a client we realize the world and people are ever changing and we can’t be everything to everybody. We would love the chance to make you 100% happy every visit but if you find your not gelling with the person working on you it is absolutely your prerogative to see if another stylist can give you something we are not. You are all beautiful souls with any hair on your head.

37 Lessons in 37 Years

I just celebrated my 37th Birthday. I have to admit I had a rough day. Not because I’m a year older, but I think I expected more out of 36 then I got. I started thinking about those expectations and realized that I wasn’t taking my own advise. I always repeat the quote by William Shakespeare “Expectation is the root of all heartache.” I still believe this and obviously this is still a lesson I’m working on. I want to share some of the lessons I have learned in 37 years in no particular order.

1. There will always be someone smarter,stronger and better then you. Embrace yourself and where you are.

2. Screw me once shame on you. Screw me twice shame on me. But give 2nd chances.

3. If the shoe doesn’t feel good in the store no matter how cute don’t buy them.

4. Comparing yourself to someone else is one of the most toxic things you can do.

5. Don’t deprive yourself of anything 100%.

6. Don’t eat cherry flavored anything. It tastes like medicine!

7. When feeling down the answer is always gratitude.

8. You can’t be everything to everybody. Worry about what you need to do for you.

9. Try something new even if you’re afraid. There is no growth without vulnerability.

10. Try to look at everything through rose colored glasses. I know it can be difficult but worth it. Look for the good.

11. Practice the pause before you speak, write or act.

12. Be authentic. When you’re not people can see right through you anyway.

13. Do your research. Sales people can’t always be trusted. Haha

14. Do what makes you feel good. Stop caring who is watching.

15. Honor your space. It is sacred. Don’t allow toxicity to enter it.

16. Don’t be afraid to fail. Failure is a good thing. Nothing big has come out of something that didn’t fail first.

17. Don’t buy cheap sheets or towels.

18. Just because you can’t see it doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist.

19. Don’t worry about your age. There are many that didn’t make it that far.

20. Give what you can when you can. Money, time, knowledge. Give with no expectation of anything in return when you can. Someday you may need the karma to come back to you.

21. Don’t take yourself to seriously. Laugh, smile, have fun. There is nothing serious going on here, EVER!

22. Your gut and your intuition is always right, listen.

23. I learned, I am absolutely ignorant to believe that I am not supported by something bigger then me.

24. You can’t control anyone or anything but yourself.

25. Always be willing to learn. Nobody knows everything about anything.

26. Don’t underestimate the power of garlic salt or Sriracha. Yum!!

27. Don’t be afraid to say no. Don’t be afraid to say yes. Do what only calls to you.

28. Take a compliment with grace.

29. Give compliments and kind words. It could change someone’s whole day.

30. You can’t give what you don’t have. Take time for yourself.

31. The worst things that happens to us usually end up being the best things that happens to us.

32. Spanks and tights are not for me. I choose lumpy.

33. Gratitude is the key.

34. You are not your labels or rolls in the world.

35. Perfection does not exist.

36. The people that matter don’t care if you’re not perfect and the people that care don’t matter.

37. When you’re in a bad space pray, meditate, do something you love. Whatever connects you to your higher self. All is well.

I know I have learned more then this in my 37 year but these are the ones that first came to mind. The things I hope to learn through the rest of my life are unlimited. I know what I’m working on now and what I need to learn is letting go of expectation, fully forgiving myself and others, letting go of judgments, becoming a lover of what is no matter what it is, connecting fully to my higher self. All no small feet but things I wish for myself.

The Four Agreements

Believe it or not the first time I heard about this book was when I was watching an interview with the greatest quarterback of all time. Tom Brady was talking about how he tries to live his life on these principles. After that I knew I had to read it. Not only am I a huge fan of his but also a fan of anything self help in the spiritual realm.

The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz is probably one of the most important books I have read so far in my life. He comes from a Toltec background but these teachings can be utilized by any human from any background that practices any religion. To me it’s common sense stuff that could be explained to a child. That being said the agreements are no easy feat to master. There is so much a person can get from this book but I’m just going to go over the 4 main agreements that the book outlines and talk about them from my perspective. I believe they all work together and if mastered you have really found a way to live in complete inner peace.

The 1st Agreement

Be Impeccable with Your Word

This sounds simple right? Do what you say you are gonna do, tell the truth, keep your promises and always be kind with your words? Well yes but this is just the tip of the iceberg in agreement number 1. Being impeccable with your word goes so much deeper, especially when we are talking about our inner voice. How we speak about ourselves. If our inner and outer voice is always criticizing ones self and others this is not being impeccable with our word.

The metaphor in the book is great. He compares the mind to a fertile garden. Our mind it like soil and our thoughts and words are the seeds. What we hear and think and choose to believe will continue to grow. Can you see how powerful the word can be? Words Are things.

Another big one is gossiping. Gossiping is so much more toxic then we realize. It’s difficult in my line of work as a hair stylist to get away from this. People love to do it. It is like an addiction. If you can remember a time in your life when there was a person talking negatively about someone you didn’t know or an establishment you had never been to, you already have a predetermined opinion about them or it. We say we don’t do this but we all do. We have these gossip columns in the back of our heads.

I can think of time when I was told never to go to a particular restaurant and how bad it was. I put of going because of this bad review even though I wanted to try it. One day we decided to try it for ourselves and now it’s one of our go to places.

I could also give several examples of gossip I have heard about people that ended up being totally inaccurate. The book gives a great example of this and I had a similar experience. My senior year of high school I was put in an American Lit. class with a less then desirable teacher. A bunch of my friends told me how horrible the class was and how the teacher was a mean old witch who needed to retire. I literally walked in dreading that class from day 1. I had a preconceived idea about it before I even experienced it. I have to tell you they were all dead wrong. That was probably my favorite English class I took all of high school and one of the best English grades I ever got. The teacher was older and a little strict but she was not a witch, she cared, and for some reason loved me.

We take other people’s word for fact without knowing really what was going on in their situation. I didn’t know if they were slacking in the class or if they got a bad grade. They may have not been interested in the material or liked English at all. We don’t know. So the next time you listen to gossip try to let it go in one ear and out the other and don’t engage. When you point the finger and judge another there are 3 more fingers pointing back at you.

The 2nd Agreement

Don’t Take Anything Personally

Ok then!! What the book is suggesting sounds absurd, I know! How on earth do we not take “ANYTHING” personally? What about when we get dumped or cheated on? What if we get fired or looked over for a promotion we deserved? What if we get screwed in a deal or a friendship? Well no, we shouldn’t take it personally and here is why. Every human is acting out of the head space of their own agreements that were planted in their lives from a very young age. Nothing anyone ever does is because of you. It is always without question, always about them. You are not the center of their universe. You are the center of your universe and they are the center of theirs. Taking things personally comes from your expectations that were not met. Just because you had expectations that were one way doesn’t mean the other party had the same idea. You can’t take anything personally because what people do “NEVER” has to do with you but with them and only them.

This book even suggests that if we got shot in the middle of the street not to take it personally. I know this seems really extreme but think of the peace we would have if we never took anything personally. To hold onto anger and resentment is only hurting us. One of my top 10 favorite quotes is “Holding on to anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.” Truer words have never been spoken.

The 3rd agreement

Never Make Assumptions

We make assumptions all day every day. Our brain does it automatically. When we keep making the same assumptions they start becoming facts in our mind. We assume we know what people are thinking. We assume we know how they are viewing us. We assume so much about others just from our outward physical perception.

Can we take a minute to acknowledge that we can not read minds. We have no idea what is going on in someone else’s head. If we really want to be honest and look at the analyzing we do in our own heads we can probably guess that the same thing is going on in another’s head. People are thinking about themselves more then they are thinking about you. People make their own assumptions. They are worried how they are being perceived and very little about what you’re doing.

Let’s talk about this in everyday life. We have all looked at someone driving a Benz or a Porche and assumed they have money. We have looked at someone with dirty cloths and assumed they are uneducated. We have all assumed at one time in our lives that someone didn’t like us or was an ass and really maybe they were just shy. Can we really know these assumptions were true? No!

I think of the movie Pretty Woman when Julia Roberts goes into the Rodeo Drive boutique and the sales lady makes her feel like trash and assumes she couldn’t possibly have the money to shop in her store. Then she comes back after spending thousands at other stores saying “You just made a big mistake, BIG, HUGE.” Love that scene!

If you find yourself assuming and the assumptions you are making are getting in the way of your peace wouldn’t it be in everyone’s best interest to just ask? When I first read this part in the book my first reaction was “well people lie.” Then I thought “OH MY GOD ASSUMPTION!” Even if you ask a question and the person lies you got an answer so you can stop assuming and move on. If they are lying that is their karma not yours.

The 4th Agreement

Always do Your Best

So cliché! Yes, I know but how can you beat yourself up if you did your best? These agreements may sound easy but they are extremely difficult to follow. Have you done your best? If you notice that you were not impeccable with your word. Did you do your best? Maybe you took something personally. Did you do your best to let it go? Was there some assumptions made today? Well, did you do your best to catch yourself before they turned into fact for you? If you can say you did your best you can’t judge yourself.

Our best is always different. We are going to have an 8 AM best, 12 PM best and evening best. Our best will be different when we are heathy from when we are sick. When we are tired from when we are rested. When we have had loss or gains. We should not judge our best because it will fluctuate one moment to the next. We can only ask ourselves to do our best to our own capability in that moment. Your best in every moment is enough.

Think about if we could all put these agreements to use in our everyday lives how much more inner and outer peace we would have. Nobody is going to ever do it perfectly but if we take tiny steps in the direction of these agreements we could really be living a more genuine life with clarity and well being. Whatever our best is, you are a beautiful soul.

Choose Your Tribe Wisely

I read something recently that said “You are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with.” If you really think about that, it makes sense. We as humans are perceptive, easily effected and persuaded by our environment. Yes, the way we perceive things is different. We all have opinions of our own but our beliefs about the world, ourselves and our close circle is all based on what we have been subjected to through out our lives. Alls a belief comes down to is the story we keep telling and the thoughts we keep thinking. The only power anything has in our lives is the power we give to it. What we watch, read, listen to or people we surround ourself with all have a part to play in our belief system.

Who are the people you spend the most time with? Are these people adding to your life or do they bring you down? Do they tend to talk about negative or positive aspects of situations? Do they have an attitude of lack or feelings of abundance? Are they showing gratitude or are they constantly complaining? If you are around the “Debbie Downer” most of the time, it can’t help but effect your mood. Does your friend or family member always seem to have some drama, ache, pain or ailment they struggle with? It’s hard not to get sucked into that. If you’re around someone who is always complaining about how broke they are, what they don’t have and is jealous of what others have, that is gonna rub off on you.

Obviously it’s your choice who you surround yourself with but wouldn’t you rather surround yourself with people that serve your life in a positive way? How ever positive you think you are these kinds of mindsets can absolutely suck the life out of you. Just like the saying goes “misery loves company.”

I made a decision a while back to really be picky about the type of content I subject myself to. I never watch or read the news. I unfollow “Negative Nelly’s” on social media. I am really picky about who I hang out with and I refuse to feed into anything that is going to send me down the rabbit hole of negativity. I’m not saying I never have a negative thought or say things that come out before I filter it, but I’m trying every moment to look at positive aspects of every situation.

Recently my husband was talking to me and mentioned he was a little stressed because one of his old bosses called to see if he was available to work the entire summer. He has already committed to another job so he said no but was totally second guessing his decisions relating to his career. I literally just looked at him and said “It must suck to be wanted! It must really suck to have contractors fighting over you! You must hate having your hard work recognized! You are abundant and prosperous and you have endless opportunity! Look at what’s good not what you view as an obstacle!” He was like “SHIT” and just blankly looked at me like mic drop.

In my line of work I come into contact with all walks of life. Each of my clients are amazing souls and I am grateful for every last person that has sat in my chairs. That being said people sometimes treat me like their therapist. I get people in my chair that no matter what I say to try and shift their view on something they are stuck in that negative mindset. That’s ok, because we only hear things from our level of receiving it in that moment. But once in a while I will get someone who is open to hear a different perspective and that always makes them feel better.

It took me a lot of practice to not lower my vibe to theirs in that moment of “poor me” but I have for the most part mastered it. The best way is to not feed into it. Give your opinion if asked without making it personal. If someone isn’t ready to hear what your opinion is accept that and move on. Your not gonna be everyone’s cup of tea, nor would you want to be. Accepting who you are and being your own cup of tea is all that really matters.

I have noticed in my life that people that live from the ego mindset tend to surround themselves with people less successful then them. This makes them feel superior. Their friends make a little less money, maybe not as smart, have less then them all around and always tells them what they want to hear. This is what makes them feel good about themselves. This also keeps them right where they are or worsens their situation.

I alway feel like if my friends are real they will build me up but also call me out. If I’m acting from an ego mindset I want to know. We all do it sometimes. It is human nature. I don’t want my friends to sugarcoat if they think I’m being an asshole. If I ask them for an option, I want the truth. It is a balance of cheerleader/truth teller even if the truth may hurt. That is my idea of a real friend.

Looking around your close circle what do you see? Are the people around you happy? Aligned? Grounded? Grateful? Is your tribe successful in their purpose? Do your close knit friends cheer each other on or is it based on jealousy and who has more?

When I see one of my friends succeed or get something that I strive to have I feel so happy for them. Jealousy it so toxic. To congratulate and truly get excited for someone else’s achievement is one of the fastest ways for it to manifest into your experience. The fact that your even noticing that it is in someone else’s life means that you are in the same energy field as that experience so it’s your choice what to do with it from there. Are you around people expanding their lives or is your circle stagnant, unmotivated and holding you back?

I started a long time ago figure this out and I have cut ties with friend and yes, even family who’s presence in my life no longer served me. It’s not in a hateful or negative way. I’m just caring about myself and my energy more then keeping people around that bring me down.

In no way am I saying to go out and break up with all of your besties. I’m just saying care about the people you surround yourself with, the content you watch, the stuff you read and the places you find yourself. If it’s not adding anything positive to your life why would you want it around you? If someone in your life is putting down your ideas, not celebrating your accomplishments or supporting your growth, why in the hell would you want them in your life anyway?

The reason people do this is because your success or ideas force them to look at their own life. If they aren’t ready to face their own insecurities they will try to knock you down to feel better or ignore their own “stuff.” Remember that you are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with, but no matter what you are a beautiful soul!

Just Another Mom Blog

Every time I see a mom blog I cringe a little more. Sometimes I read them, sometimes I don’t. Why would I want to read about how bad I’m screwing it all up? Once in a while you get one about being non judgmental and empowering each other but more then not it’s about all the things we should or shouldn’t be doing. Don’t feed your kids this or that, do or don’t vaccinate, co sleeping is bad, just kidding it’s good, screen time is the devil, breastfeed or don’t, be a working mom or not. It will make your head spin. Coming into parenthood was an ugly, gigantic adjustment for me and every day and age since has been a new adjustment. Being a mom does not come naturally to me. It is definitely an adventure. One thing I know for sure, I feel like I am lovingly screwing my kids up on a daily basis.

Here are the facts. My house is never top to bottom clean, my kids sometimes eat processed food, fast food and to much sugar, they watch tv and tablets and play video games probably more then they should, they both slept with me til a ridiculously old age and still sometimes do, they are both fully vaccinated,(no judgment if your kid is not), my youngest still has to wear a pull up at night in which I see no end in sight, and I give in to their terrorist style manipulations all the time, I bribe, and I lose my patience regularly, yell, scream and yes even swear. I am doing the best I can and always wondering if they will actually end up ok.

Before and while I was pregnant for the first time I was so naïve and I would even say arrogant. I would look at a kid in the store throwing a tantrum and shake my head thinking “control that brat”. My kids would never sleep in my bed with me, junk food would be a once in a while treat, I would never bribe my kids with anything, they will only be allowed an hour of screen time a day, I would never threaten them and not follow through, I could never go on vacation without them, they will always treat their dad and I with respect and listen to what we ask of them. I laugh out loud at these because I have not followed even one of them and I am not ashamed at all to admit it. Parenting is the hardest thing I have ever done. I do however have a new list of thing that my kids are expected to do and that I will never do. Subject to change of coarse. They are expected to be kind to others and to respect what all adults tell them even if they don’t agree at the time. They are expected to finish what they start even if they hate every minute of it. Once they finish they don’t have to do it again. They are expected to try the food on their plate but don’t have to eat it if they don’t like it. They are expected to keep their hands to themselves and when they don’t the consequence is push ups and much harsher if this were someone outside this home. Obviously unless they are defending themselves. They are expected to try to look for the good in everything which is super hard for my son these days. I will not feather their nest or feed them with a silver spoon. I will try hard to not fix their problems with teachers, coaches, other parents or friends. I feel like this is hurting them more then helping because there will always be someone difficult in their life they will have to deal with. To be perfectly honest I would be prouder to see my child grow up to be kind, caring and compassionate rather then to see them as a star athlete or student. I would even go so far to say high school or collage graduate. I want for my kids to find a way to live happily without the conditions around them being just right. Living unconditionally is my goal for myself and hope for my children.

Now I know that I’m not a bad mother. I also know I’m not the worlds best. If you have read my blogs you know I have this belief that the crappy stuff that happens to us throughout our life is all here to serve us. When I have a less then stellar parenting moment I really try hard not to judge it. I know the way I handle myself has an effect on my kids but I also know that it’s serving them even though we may not see it in the moment. It shows them it’s ok not to be perfect. It gives them clarity on how they would prefer I act and same goes for me. We are all feeding off each other’s energy. I admit there have been days I have been brought to tears because of the overwhelming feelings I get from parenting and yes my kids have seen it. It’s not pretty. But they know it’s ok to cry when the feeling arises. Crying releases so much negative energy it can be such good thing.

When people think of a super moms most would picture June Cleaver, Bree from Desperate Housewives, or that mom you know in your community that is always head to toe put together, volunteering for everything, seems to always be smiling and never loses her calm demeanor. Above all that, her kids always seem to be perfect angels. I’m willing to bet that the exterior isn’t alway what it seems. I saw something recently that said “Don’t ever judge another mom. We are all losing our shit some just hide it better then others.” This reminded me that judging a “supermom” is just as bad as judging the mom that is screaming at her kid in public, wearing pj’s with hair that hasn’t been washed in a week. Guilty! We are all doing the best we can, so if bribery with candy gets you through another day so be it! If making sure you have the cutest Pinterest bake sale item gives you a sense of accomplishment, good for you!! Either way if you are a parenting over achiever, just squeezing by or somewhere in between you are a rock star because momming is hard. We aren’t always going to be at our best and our kids don’t expect that. What they do expect is love, that’s it.

Something that has always intrigue me is when you see siblings, all raised the exact same way. Same parents, same house, same rules yet all end up so different. Or when you meet someone who came from a really rough or abusive upbringing but ended up as a super successful, happy and seemingly grounded person. Or the opposite situation. When a person comes from a “normal” loving upbringing and ends up a drug addict or a criminal. Maybe it has to do with birth order or their zodiac sign or their DNA make up. Probably a little of everything. I honestly think above all that it has to do with perspective. You could ask 3 sibling about a specific event from their childhood and the versions you would get would all be different because we all see things from our own perspective. No version would be wrong, it is just always from the eye of the beholder. This is so fascinating to me. 1 person could see a specific event as an amazing experience that added immensely to their life, while the other may not have thought it was that big of a deal, the last may have found it very debilitating or traumatic. It’s all in how we choose to view a situation. It just reinforces to me that we really have little control on how our kids turn out because they are their own person. They have a path of their own to find.

So I watched this awesome video once and it brought tears to my eyes. It was basically all these moms and they were asked to describe what kind of mom they were. They were all being really hard on themselves about all the things they felt they were doing wrong. Then they interviewed their kids. The things the kids said about them were all positive. How much their moms loved them and everything they do with and for them. I just thought this was so beautiful because it showed how kids really don’t focus on our “flaws”. They just need to know that we are there and we love them. Here is the link to that video.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?

v=CAqBv37nFq0

I am not ashamed to admit that I can’t do it alone, nor would I want to. I ask for help daily from family, friends and other moms. I’m not trying to be a hero or pretend I can do it all with no help. I think that would be totally unhealthy for me mentally, emotionally, and physically. I love the saying “it takes a village.” I feel like the more support you have the better mom you can be and the more well rounded and adaptable your kid will be. In my opinion it is necessary to be selfish and want to do thing for yourself with out the mom guilt. If you don’t take care of yourself first what kind of shape will you be in to take care of someone else? I know in my experience when I have tried to do it all and not taken care of me first I have ended up exhausted and resentful. Above all else in life I feel like making sure you have taken care of yourself first should be every humans number 1 priority.

If nothing else, I hope that a mom reading this gets even a little relief knowing they aren’t alone in what can feel like an insane asylums. We all question our parenting ability. We all lose our shit sometimes. We all want to run and hide half the time. I propose that when we see a mom, or dad for that matter, struggling we offer to help. Maybe we give them some encouraging words or even just let them know you have been there and they are doing a great job. A kind gesture can go a long way when someone is having a hard time.

My philosophy on parenting may not be right or ever ok to some, but here it is. No Mom on earth has ever done it perfect and who’s to say what is perfect? We do the best we can. We love our children unconditionally. We give lots of hugs and kisses. We let them know we are there for them no matter what. We can give them guidance and teach them how to treat people and themselves from our perspective and in the end that is, what I feel, all they really need. I believe that everything else in this thing called life, they will just figure out. If they don’t it’s part of their journey and who are we to interfere with that? All is well! Our kids are beautiful souls and so are we.

The Things I Have Learned From My Kids

When I first decided to start trying to get pregnant I would imagine what kind of parent I would be. I would be firm but fair. I would not let my kids act like those “other” kids you see in public. I would teach them everything they need to know in a way they understand. They are going to listen to me and respect me because that’s how I will train them to be.

Well….if you want god to laugh just tell him your plans! Every last thing I said I would never do as a parent I have done. Although I have done all the things I said I would do, the outcome was not always what I envisioned.

One thing I do know now is that my kids have taught me just as much, if not more then what I have taught them. More then just the obvious things such as time management, patience, and better organization. On a deeper level they are the closest thing to an authentic soul as you can get on this earth. They haven’t been jaded or beat down to the point of feeling insecure. I think a lot of times we don’t necessarily see kids as human and expect from them what we would never ask of ourselves. We try to tame a pure spirit into someone of our liking and in doing that I’m not sure if we are doing them a service or disservice. With that, I would love to share the amazing things I have learned from my kids.

Dance like no one is watching

Have you ever seen a little girl dancing around, arms flying, legs shaking, twirling around with the biggest smile on her face. In that moment she is the most beautiful ballerina on earth. Have you ever seen a little boy just sprinting as fast as he can against nobody just cause he wants to. In that moment he can run faster than any human on earth. He is the best, a champ. When is the last time you saw an adult doing this that wasn’t drunk or running from the police?

I’m not suggesting we should just start dancing when we hear our jam come on in the market, although I’m not against it either. What I am suggesting is do what makes you feel good. Stop caring what people will say. Lift yourself up with confidence. That same confidence your child has about themselves. If you get an impulse to sing in your car, do it! If your body is telling you to move even if your embarrassed how you look, exercise! If you have an interest or a dream you want to pursue, stop worrying about failing or negative feedback, just dive in and do it for yourself. It is like this blog. I enjoy writing. I have been told I’m decent at it. I know that not everyone can be kind and I may get negative comments. I didn’t let that stop me cause when I write it makes me feel good. I was sick of just writing in a journal and not sharing it with anyone. If I get a bad comment I will choose to focus on the positive ones.

Seeing the soul and not the shell

Watching my kids on the playground has shown me so much about how they see the world. They get on a swing and all of a sudden it’s a rocket ship. They climb the jungle gym and they are on top of the highest mountain. They slide down the pole and they are an instant firefighter. The imagination is amazing.

What this can teach us is to not let your imagination go by the wayside. Visualization is an amazing tool in manifesting what we want into our lives.

Above that when my kids are on the playground they want to play with anyone who is down to play with them. They don’t care what they are wearing, the color of their skin, if they are a boy a girl or a squirrel. They just want to have fun and include other souls to have fun with. Kids don’t know what judgments are. Kids see the good in everything and everyone. Society changes that somehow. Of course we have to teach our kids to be cautious in this day an age. But how can we do this while still encouraging them to see through pure eyes?

The knowing of their awesomeness

I sat down with my son Nolan and I asked him “What makes you awesome? What are you good at?” He proceeded with rattling off “I’m really good at sports and math and drawing and video games and handwriting.” I literally had to stop him.

If I asked you what you are good at I think most of us would struggle with coming up with even 1 thing. I think we start to lose this confidence somewhere during our early adolescence when we received a negative comment, or we got laughed at, or didn’t do as well at something that we expected.

I guess the point is we are all good at something. If we could embrace what it is and grow it we could be exceptional. I think we hold back because of fear. F. False E. Evidence A. Appearing R. Real. Fear of rejection, failure, or what others might think or say. Fear is our ego holding us back from growth. If we could only hold on to that unjaded view of our selves, how much better off would we be?

Finding joy in mundane things

Unfortunately my son is starting to get to the age that this is starting to fade. I think kids are so over stimulated with toys and electronics and us parents always trying to bring them fun places that the little things start to not be so cool anymore. I still see it with my 4 year old Lyla though. You could tell her to go pick every dandelion in the yard and she would think it’s the greatest thing on earth. She is so grateful and excited when she gets a new book or cloths or a yummy treat. She wants to help me cook, clean, fold laundry and all the house hold chores I dread. She does it willingly with an excitement that boggles my mind.

I suppose what this has taught me is gratitude. I look at her having so much fun doing chores and I think you know what? I’m thankful to have a house to clean. I’m grateful to cook the food that keeps my family fed. I’m grateful to have working arms and legs to support myself in these mundane everyday so called nuisances. The ability to feel gratitude I believe is one of the most important feeling to have.

Truth tellers

We have all been on the receiving end of a child’s truth telling. This make me laugh because they really do tell it like it is.

“Mommy, why is your hair black at the top and blonde at the ends?”

“Mommy, your butt is big!”

“Mommy, your breath stinks!”

“Mommy, that person is really wrinkly!”

I know this can sometimes feel like a curse instead of a blessing. The filters that “most” of us develop as we age are definitely a good thing. But imagine what it must be like to really live your truth. To really know to your core who you are. Not to have to sugarcoat or make excuses for who or what you are.

As adults we are a lot of times so scared of hurting someone’s feeling or saying the wrong thing at the wrong time that we may be doing someone that is really asking for help and honesty a disservice.

Same with ourselves. We lie to ourselves all the time. We don’t have time for exercise or self care. We don’t deserve that promotion. We are ugly. We are stupid. We aren’t good enough. What you think about is what you become. You are giving those negative thought and beliefs about yourself momentum so more thought and things come into your experience to prove you right.

Let’s start telling ourselves the truth. We are all good. We are all worthy and we are all pure positive energy at our core. I have been practicing everyday writing down or saying out loud positive affirmations about myself. It was really difficult at first and I felt really silly looking in the mirror telling myself how awesome I was, but then I noticed I started believing some of them. Think about if you walked in to a room and saw your child looking in the mirror saying “I am smart.” “I am beautiful.” I am compassionate.” “I am talented.” and so on. I would be like hell ya!!! That is so amazing! We lead by example. If your always lying to yourself and putting yourself down, is that the example you want for your kids?

Always wanting to learn

Why? Why? Why? Yup, when you are a parent you become very familiar with this word. They really want to know everything about everything. They are so curious and eager to learn. There is so much out there in this universe that we know nothing about. I was given the advice recently to get curious. I have never been more eager to learn. Even when you have come to be a master at your craft there is always something more to learn or expand. You are ignorant to believe you know everything there is to know about even 1 topic. Knowledge is power.

I have also recently read something that stuck with me from Dr. Wayne Dyer. “Be open to everything and attached to nothing.” I love this so much because It reminds me to really listen and hear different perspectives. I have the ability and the right to listen, digest, and change my mind if it makes sense or not if it doesn’t.

The ability to listen to their internal guidance system

I believe we all came into this world with an internal guidance system. Basically at the bottom of the emotional scale you would feel hopeless, fear, depression. At the top of the scale you would feel joy, grateful, love and appreciation . There are a bunch of emotions in between. To read more about the internal guidance system follow this link.http://mariaerving.com/how-to-use-the-abraham-hicks-emotional-guidance-scale/

When I observe my kids and their emotions it amazes me. They could be all bent out of shape and angry one second and the next they are smiling and playing. They could be crying and sad and five minutes later they are asking for their favorite song. They can usually, especially the littler ones, snap out of their bad moods in no time. They are really good at staying in the moment. This is because they are listening to what their emotions are telling them. This doesn’t feel good so it must not be good. I better fix that.

I realize for us adults it’s not that simple. What I’m suggesting is wherever you are on the scale there is always a better feeling thought that you can move up to. We can learn from our children to just be easy about it. We all have the in site and advise we need right inside of us. If it doesn’t feel good you are going in the wrong direction.

The excitement I feel about what else my kids have to teach me in their lives is overwhelming. I’m starting to look at them and every person I come into contact with as teachers. There is not one creature on this planet that can’t teach you something. If my children accomplish nothing else in their lives but to really stay connected to who they are, a beautiful soul, I will have done my job because everything else will fall into place for them. Keep being a beautiful soul.

Gratitude is the Key

March!! My favorite month of the year!! NOT!! It’s long, it’s cold, the weather is unpredictable and by now we have all had enough of winter. In honor of March I wanted to write about gratitude. Practicing appreciation can be difficult. We are so groomed to look at the lack of things we want in our lives that we don’t always take the time to really show and feel appreciation for what we already have. We should be waking up in the morning starting our day giving thanks. Noticing the things and the moments around us that we can be grateful for throughout the day and go to bed with the knowing that we are exactly where we are supposed to be and appreciating the good and the bad. It’s not happy people who are grateful, it’s grateful people who are happy.

I get it. You might be thinking. “Yeah, yeah I know what she is gonna say. Make gratitude lists everyday, somebody always has it worse, there is always a silver lining.” While this is all true if it doesn’t call to you don’t do it. I do make gratitude lists. Not everyday, but I think it can help for some. I feel like there is always something to appreciate. I’m not talking the obvious like the roof over our head, our health, the car we drive or our job. These things are certainly major things to be grateful for. I’m talking the smell of that candle or fresh cut grass, the sound of that belly laugh from your child in the other room, the taste of your coffee made just right, the feeling of your soft pj’s or your bed at night. You get my point. It’s little moments that make up an entire lifetime so if we could enjoy and appreciate the journey instead of always wanting the next big thing we would not only get to that next big thing quicker but we would be having a blast along the way.

Easier said then done you say? If I didn’t have bad luck I wouldn’t have any luck at all you say? I do appreciate what I have but somethings gotta give you say? Well my belief system does not believe in luck. I believe we create our own reality. I believe strongly in the law of attraction. There are no coincidences. Nothing comes into our experience that our energy is not a vibrational match to. If you’re focusing on the things you don’t have or the action you need to take to fight against what you don’t want you’re just gonna get more of it into your experience. Remember, like attracts like. This is the hardest thing in the world to practice. If you really think about it the war against anything has never been won. The war against drugs, teen pregnancy, violence, guns etc. has not gone away or been won. This is because of the amount of attention given to it. The universe does not know the difference between yes and no. I believe it just gives you more of what you focus on. We are so programmed to take action. We obsess over our problems. We feel sorry for ourselves and judge ourselves for not being able to figure it all out or be where we think we should be. We keep telling the same stories about what went wrong. I’m gonna suggest something a bit radical. How about we take these difficulties and give thanks for them? Yes, appreciate them. If we are having contrast in our life it is making it clear to us exactly what we don’t want and in turn we become clear on what we do want. Then we can completely focus on what we do want and the universe is always on our side to get us there. It’s our resistance to allow it in that is holding us back. We are pushing against ourselves. We are blocking well being from coming into our own experience. This my sound totally crazy to you. Even if it is, doesn’t it feel better then dwelling? In the end everything we do or want is because we believe we will feel better in the having of it. What if we try feeling better first then maybe, just maybe we would find that we don’t need the things we thought we did or they will come to us easier because we aren’t so focused on not having them.

There are some examples of contrast I have had in my life that I can truly say now that I am grateful for. If you think about upsetting situations in your life that at the time seemed so horrible but now looking back they were blessings you understand what I’m saying. I remember my first job doing hair. My boss at the time taught me so much about what I know in the hair industry. I gained a ton of experience at that job. The difficulty was the paychecks weren’t clearing. 5 in 1 year. At the time I was so angry. I gave my notice and decided to go out on my own as a booth renter without knowing if any of my clients would follow. It was a huge risk but here I am 15 years later with a full book of clients and still on my own as an independent stylist. I send thanks to that first boss of mine for without that experience I would have never known if I could work for myself or have the flexibility in my job that I do.

Another example is about a year and a half after I had my son I became pregnant with my 2nd child but had a miscarriage at 9 weeks along. As you can imagine this was one of the most painful experiences I have ever had. We were absolutely devastated. We only planned on having 2 children. This forced me to question whether I even wanted to go through pregnancy again. Fear of it happening another time was just excruciating. Another year passed and we decided to try again and I became pregnant with my daughter. Of course I was a bit nervous but in that year I learned the statistics. 15 to 20 percent of pregnancy’s end in miscarriage. I know it’s shocking! I learned that I wasn’t alone because once I started talking about it so many woman opened up to me about their similar experiences. Even though this seems like something that is strange to be grateful for, I really am. It taught me to mourn since I never before then had lost anyone close to me. It showed me how fortunate I really am for the son I already had. It gave me more compassion for the women that this has happened to multiple time without success of any children. Most of all it gave me Lyla and with out the miscarriage she wouldn’t be here, hence only having 2. Not that the other child wouldn’t have been amazing, but I couldn’t imagine my life without my crazy, amazing, beautiful girl!

In present days I am having difficulty as well with different things. Including extended family issues, trying to figure out how to create balance within my relationship, parenting, friendships, work and self care, all the while staying grounded in my beliefs and practicing what I preach. It’s easy to write it all down, know in my head what I believe but can I walk the talk? I’m getting better at it everyday, not perfect but growing. That will never stop. I know in this moment that although some of the things going on in my present life are obstacles, I also know they are all here serving me. They are here for a reason and even though I may not know what those are right now I know as long as I stay true to myself and focus on positive aspects they will all work out.

I think a lot of times we do things that we don’t necessarily want to do or enjoy doing. We do these things cause we feel obligated. Yes you have to go to work even if you don’t like your job in order to make money to live. But do you have to hate it or be miserable about it? What aspects about it can you be appreciative about? Is there anything you enjoy about your work? Is any of it rewarding in anyway? Do you at least get paid so you can support yourself? Take that one positive thing and for a while just focus on that and see what happens. See how your prospective changes. I promise you it will and your more likely to receive better opportunities along the way cause your operating at a higher energy vibration. This goes for anything and everything you may dread doing but may feel obligated to do. Like for me house work is my nemesis, it is never ending and I have the hardest time finding the energy to do it. What I try to do is make it fun. Say I’m tackling the bathroom. I blast music or a podcast. I focus on how good it’s going to look when it’s done. I kind of act like a kid and make it a game. Die germs die!!! How fast can I get this done. I give myself a time limit and see if I can beat it. I know it sounds so stupid but it gets me through the obligation with a smile most of the time.

Appreciation is the the highest of emotional vibrations alongside elation, joy and passion. When our energy is vibrating at a high rate we are attracting other things into our experience to match that. When your vibration is on the lower side we are attracting other low vibrating energy. Like attracts like. The universe is responding to our vibration. Everything really is just energy. The law of attraction is as consistent as the law of gravity. I know it may seem out there but this is what I believe to my core. I have been studying the law of attraction for over a year now and nothing in my experience has proved it to be any other way. Show gratitude for where you are in every area of your life and watch how the universe responds. Not only that, watch how your mood and attitude changes. Where you are is perfect, exactly where you are meant to be. The universe does not make mistakes. You are perfect, you are a beautiful soul.